It all began with a simple idea that every child grew up the same. I didn't know other families wasn't like my home until later in life. Until I started elementary school  I lived in a world of oblivion. I was brought up in a home of emotional, and neglectful abuse. We lived in filth, lived in roaches, we couldn't see the floor we walked on for garbage and dirty clothes,  never bathed, always dirty,  hardly food for me and my two siblings to take care of ourselves with while our parents was at work. They worked morning until eleven at night leaving my eleven year old sister to raise us after school or in the summer months. We certainly didn't know how to cook, wash clothes or be anything except the young children we were. I was a bed wetter all through elementary school. We never had washed clean clothes which made me the smelly kid at school. I was bullied by my peers and teachers everyday. I had no friends. I was hungry and felt very alone.  I remember a time it was January in the 4th grade. I had on flip flops, wet the bed, in the same clothes, no coat. Mom slept in every morning, not helping us get ready for school. All the classes were lined up to walk outside to go to our lunch room in the next building. A teacher laughed at me because of What I had on in front of the whole 4th grade class. She didn't help me at all. I felt embarrassed and humiliated in front of everyone. I wanted to dig a whole and never come out. The summer before my 6th grade year going into Middle school, I remember my Aunt buying us bran new clothes for school. The first time having bran new clothes. It was a game changer for me because for the first time, I felt beautiful and wanted. It was a turning point for me and going into Middle School. 

My family and I thought we had found the perfect church. We were very involved in the church ministries. We had been going to this church for about three years at this point and everything in life was great. I felt I had dealt with all that life had given me and I had conquered the trials and tribulations of the cards I had been dealt.  At this time I had been teaching for twenty four years, but my dream was to have my own Child Care Center. So when the pastor of that church offered me the director position of the new and upcoming child care center it was an answer to my prayers. Let me start off by saying, I am a Christian, I do believe in good churches. Not all pastors are horrible people with an religious agenda. It took me a while to get there. Everyone thinks all pastors of churches are amazing people who have the agenda of I'll pray for you and just not all are. It started with some red flags and I did see them as they happened which lead to a lot of confusion for me as a member of that church and director of the child care. I was asked to step down two years into being a director because my daughter had a child and I let her and her now fiancé live with me while not married because I had a reputation to up hold. I refused of course but very hurt and confused. Then I was told to dry it up after crying for three days because one of my daycare parents had committed suicide because I needed to learn to control my emotions while being in that position. I was called an embarrassment to the church and daycare because as a licensed officiator to marry people and I had married an employee outside of a church. There was bullying and belittling going on for months. I was threatened to even speak of any of this by the pastor and the board.  I refused to quit my job but was going to quit the church. Before I could personally tell the pastor  I was fired because I was accused to stealing $10,000 of daycare money when I wasn't the one who even controlled the money. I had to prove my innocence in court which I was able to do. That whole process took a tole of my family and friends. Trauma was abundant and I didn't want to live anymore. It caused all the trauma to fester up that I thought I had already dealt with on top of all the new.  I had to loose one of my sisters and father because they choose to follow this church and be friends with the same people who traumatized me. I had to grieve the living because they said God wants them to stay there. They don't feel "lead to leave yet".  I can't be supportive to them with that situation. I'm suppose to be family.